Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
