My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
