I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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