but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
