Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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