she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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