The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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