Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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