Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
