i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
