I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Say something about gay babies.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You may now shotgun with the bride
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
