We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
