Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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