Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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