just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
