I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
