I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This house was built for laser tag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
