Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
