Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
