lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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