Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
