She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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