WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
