i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
