the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
