bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
