he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
