like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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