Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I cut my penus on the lid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
