You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Boobs speak an international language.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
