I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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