paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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