so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize