My room smells like vodka and shame
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
