Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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