My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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