one might say we're banned from that church
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
