so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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