Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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