So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
