Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
