we have pet lesbian snakes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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