U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
