I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
