Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
