Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
