I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
