2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
