Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize