Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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