my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
