You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
