i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
