I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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