that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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