just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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