i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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