and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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