You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
