life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
