OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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